in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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