TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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