I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
