i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
