I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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