Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Pooping to opera.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
