So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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