I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You took a bar mat shot.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
