I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Your dad touched me again.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
