That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
