just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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