Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I can text with my tongue
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
