I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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