How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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