DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
