haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
