Porn is love you can see.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
