So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
