So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
