I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
