Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
