mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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