im having a threesome with these popsicles
I want you more than these girls want KFC
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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