My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
