I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
