I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
