sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
