So drunk, too bad you don't want this
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
