Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
