You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
