we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
