Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
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I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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