Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
