If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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