did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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