after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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