bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
