first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
