i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
