I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
