Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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