i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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