The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
