An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
