How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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