that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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