My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
