My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I supernannyed him into submission
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