i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
