i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
