there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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