Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
