My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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