So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
