My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
