What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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