you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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