Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize