Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
