Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
