yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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