I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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