YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
