sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
