Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
