a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This is classic penis vs brain.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
