i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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