I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
