i permit you to call me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize