Sacagawea was the original milf.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
