Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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