I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
