peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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