So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
